I know it’s hard. I have three (3) little girls. Thinking about someone else raising your children is like a punch to the stomach. Your body tenses up and your heart feels like it’s being squeezed. But you must. If you don’t, a stranger will name a guardian for you and determine who raises your children if something happens to you – your child’s guardian could be a relative you despise or even a stranger you’ve never met. But, a comprehensive plan that protects your children is much more than just naming a guardian.
No one can ever replace you, which is why it is so important to have a comprehensive plan in place that not only chooses the right people to take care of your children and manage finances, but makes sure that your opinions are heard, and your values are there to guide them. All Parents with minor children need to have a comprehensive plan in place because the consequences of not having one that protects your children is more than extreme.
If no guardian is named, a judge – a stranger who does not know you, your child, or your relatives and friends – will decide who will raise your child. Anyone can ask to be considered, and the judge will select the person he or she deems most appropriate. Families tend to fight over children, especially if there’s money involved – and worse – no one may be willing to take your child; if that happens, the judge will place your child in foster care. On the other hand, if you name a guardian, the judge will likely support your choice.
How to Name a Guardian
Your child’s guardian can be a relative or friend. It is helpful to make a list of at least three (3) to (5) people you consider viable options. In no event should you name fewer than two (2). Listed below are some of the factors we advise our clients to considered when selecting guardians (and back up guardians). It is helpful to rank the factors in the order that are most important to you. You will notice that finances are not listed, as you should name someone to take care of financial matters through a Trust. Then, rank your choices by comparing which of your choices best lives up to the factors most important to you.
- How well the child and potential guardian know and enjoy each other
- Parenting style, moral values, educational level, health practices, religious/spiritual beliefs
- Location – if the guardian lives far away, your child would have to move from a familiar school, friends, and neighborhood
- The child’s age and the age and health of the guardian-candidates:
–Grandparents may have the time, and they may or may not have the energy to keep up with a toddler or teenager.
–An older guardian may become ill and/or even die before the child is grown, so there would be a double loss.
–A younger guardian, especially a sibling, may be concentrating on finishing college or starting a career. - Emotional preparedness:
–Someone who is single or who doesn’t want children may resent having to care for your children.
–Someone with a houseful of their own children may or may not want more around.
WARNING: Serving as guardian and raising your child is a big deal; don’t spring such a responsibility on anyone. Ask your top candidates if they would be willing to serve, and name at least one alternate in case the first choice becomes unable to serve.
Who’s in Charge of the Money
Raising your child should not be a financial burden for the guardian, and a candidate’s lack of finances should not be the deciding factor. You will need to provide enough money (from assets and/or life insurance) to provide for your child and you will need to leave it to your child in Trust. Some parents also earmark funds to help the guardian buy a larger car or add onto their existing home, so there’s plenty of room for extra children.
Factors to consider:
- Naming a separate person to handle this money can be a good idea. That person would be a guardian of the estate or a trustee, but not guardian of the children.
- However, having the same person raise the child and handle the money can make things simpler because the guardian would not have to ask someone else for money.
- But the best person to raise the child may not be the best person to handle the money and it may be tempting for them to use this money for their own purposes.
Mistakes To Avoid
- Naming a couple to act as guardians when you don’t necessarily want both people to raise your children and not indicating what should happen if the couple broke up or the one person you really wanted to raise your children were to die or become incapacitated.
- Not naming enough back up choices to serve as guardians. As, mentioned above, you should have at least two choices.
- Considering the wrong factors when choosing guardians, such as finances.
- Not providing for someone to be responsible for the managing of the money you are leaving behind or leaving money in the wrong way. Money and assets should be left in Trust for your children and not just a will or beneficiary designation.
- Not confidentially excluding anyone that might challenge your guardianship decision and who you definitely do not want to ever raise your children.
- Not naming short term guardians for your Children. Short term guardians helps by making sure that someone who might be more readily available can be there to take care of your children until the long term guardian can be contacted.
Compromise Will Likely be Necessary
Naming a guardian is a difficult decision for most parents. Keep in mind that this person will probably not raise your child because odds are that at least one parent will survive until the child is grown. When you name a guardian, however, you are being responsible and planning ahead for an unlikely, yet possible, situation. It’s important to realize that no one besides you will be the perfect parent for your child, so typically this means making compromises in some areas. Select the person you think will muddle through the best.
Let’s Continue this Conversation
We know it’s not easy, but don’t let that stop you. We’re happy to talk this through with you and legally document your wishes. Know that you can change your mind and select a different guardian anytime you’d like – and – the chances of needing the guardian named in your plan is not highly likely; but, you’re a parent and your job is to provide for and protect your children, so let’s do this – together. Call our office now for an appointment and we’ll get your children protected.